I know many of you who couldn't be at the funeral wanted to read the eulogy I wrote for my mother. Here it is:
Hi Mama,
It’s been 5 days since you left us, and my
heart is heavy. I find myself struggling to articulate the thoughts inside my
head. Three weeks ago I came home for Easter. Upon my arrival, I was greeted at
the door with squeals of delight, just as I was every single time I came home.
After bringing my bags into the house, we put on our favorite show, Will and
Grace, and snuggled in bed, catching up on each other’s lives. We spent four
wonderful days together, so filled of warmth and laughter. So filled of love.
When I walked in the door Saturday afternoon,
the house was silent. Those squeals of delight I had become so accustomed to
were absent. I walked into your room, put Will and Grace in the DVD player, and
noticed how empty the other side of the bed was. It didn’t make sense. The
homecoming ritual that I so looked forward to was missing, and the reality hit
me that it would never be the same again.
There are so many things I took for granted
that will never be the same. Last year you sent me a handmade card in the mail
every single day. It’s hard to believe I won’t open my mailbox and see your
handwriting on an envelope anymore. I’ll miss the long and seemingly pointless
voicemails you would leave me on an almost daily basis. As frustrated as they made
me, I would do anything for just one more. What I will miss more than anything
is how you would come and lay with me every night until I fell asleep, even as
a 21 year old. When I was at home there wasn’t a night when you weren’t
snuggled up with me at bedtime. While many people might have thought I was too
old for such a thing, there was nothing I treasured more than laying with my
Mama and talking into the late hours of the night, especially when I couldn’t
fall asleep. Your love and warmth provided me with all the comfort in the
world. When I wasn’t home, I still made sure to call you every night. Even
apart, we had a way of continuing our mother-daughter traditions.
A major focus over the past few years has
been my passion for traveling and volunteering. Your tireless work to help
provide me with the opportunity to make my dreams come true never once went
unacknowledged or unappreciated. I saw the dedication and the commitment you
displayed toward helping in any way you could. For months you joked with me
about how you were coming on my trip with me this summer. You told me it was
OUR trip and that you were so excited for all of the things we were going to do
in our various destinations. You would call me and tell me that you were
getting your suitcase ready, and that I better get ready too. When you weren’t
joking about joining me on my trip, you talked about how your dream was to sail
on the MV Explorer once you had put me through my voyages. Well Mama, I hope your
suitcase is still packed because your dream is coming true. Tomorrow I leave
for Mexico to board the MV Explorer with you right by my side. I will be
bringing some of your ashes with me to scatter as I go. We will be zip-lining
in Costa Rica, laying on the beach in Cabo, visiting an indigenous Indian
village in Panama, and feeding kindergarteners in Ecuador. After our time
aboard the MV Explorer in Latin America we will be heading over to Asia, where
you will get to see the Great Wall of China. Our main destination will be the
Philippines, where we will be volunteering at a women’s shelter with victims of
exploitation and abuse for two months. What I didn’t realize when I signed up
to volunteer was that while I was helping these women to heal, they would be
helping me heal too.
While I struggle with the idea of leaving the
country for four months the day after your funeral, I take comfort in knowing
that you will be right by my side. I know that there was nothing you wanted
more than to see this dream of mine come alive, and I am finding the strength to
carry it out through you.
While today the pain seems inconceivable, I
know that through this journey across the globe with you by my side I will find
the healing, the strength, and the new perspectives that I need to move forward
with my life. I will forever treasure your memory in my heart, and I know that
you will always be with me.
Rest in peace, my beautiful Mama. I love you
more than all the stars in the sky.
All of my love,
Your Lissy
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