Lightning Storm

Hi Mama! Today was a nice day at sea. I got up and ate pancakes for breakfast. I’ve had either pancakes or French toast every morning. I figured I would indulge myself for these two weeks, 1. because I’ll be in the Philippines for the rest of summer where I will be eating mostly fish, rice, and fruit. And 2. because I deserve the right to stuff my face with carbs for a couple weeks after my mommy died. Comfort food is very much needed at the moment.

There was an enormous lightning storm tonight. It was so beautiful, Mom. We went up to the lounge on the 7^th deck where the entire room was made of windows. The whole sky was lit with a neon purple. It was absolutely incredible. I know you would have loved it.

The Help has been running on loop today. I had never seen it before, but I stayed in my cabin to watch it today because I knew how much you loved it. Dragon and I did some crosswords while we watched it.

After dinner tonight I went to see the comedian/magician perform. He is so funny. I’m sad though because tonight was his last performance as he is getting off the ship tomorrow.

We arrive in Panama tomorrow! This is the port I am most looking forward to! We are anchoring right at the entrance to the Panama Canal! So cool!

I miss you so much, Mom. I looked through our last conversations on facebook today. I was stressed about all of my work for school and I didn’t feel very well, and you told me that you loved me and that I would get through it because I would be back on my ship very soon. You told me that you were so excited for me and you couldn’t wait to see me in four months. I wish more than anything that I could see you in four months. It’s so impossible to try to grasp the idea that you are gone, that I will never see you or hear your voice or feel your warm touch again. It doesn’t seem real. I’m only 21 years old, Mom. Why did you have to leave me so soon? I see all these women in their 70s and 80s on the ship, and it breaks my heart to know that that will never be you. How am I supposed to live my life without a mom? I have so many strong women in my life who I can look up to and who will watch after me, but none of them are you. At the end of the day you’re the only one I want. It’s so unbelievably unfair. Why me? Why you? Why won’t you be there to see me graduate college or get married or have kids? You’re supposed to be there. I love you so much, Mom. My heart is broken.