Week Four in the Philippines

Hi, Mama. Sorry it has been such a long time since I've updated. I've just been so busy and so drained (physically and emotionally) to sit down and write.

Things are amazing at Regional Haven. I am so madly in love with the work I'm doing there and with the women I'm working with. Their optimism and sincerity inspires me everyday. I love being greeted every morning by 15 smiling faces yelling, "Good morning, Ate Alissa!" You know that unconditional love you receive from a dog when you walk in the door? The kind of love that our kitty cat refuses to give us? That's how I feel when I walk into Regional Haven every morning. It's wonderful.

the activities have been going really well. They seem to be really enjoying the crafts, games, etc. that I have been planning out for them. Their enthusiasm and excitement is incredible validation for me. I have also been journaling with them daily, and they really enjoy that as well. I like to give them prompts that make them think (eg. If you had three wishes, what would they be and why?). Sometimes I give them silly prompts just to make them laugh and have a little fun (eg. Who is your celebrity crush and why?). I love reading their answers. Some of them can write really well in English. Others don't know any English, and I have to have Ate Mary Ann translate them for me when I go home in the evening.

Things have been going wonderfully with my homestay as well. I absolutely adore my host family. I love coming home after a long day and just chatting with Ate Mary Ann. She never fails to put a smile on my face. Another member of the family who never fails to put a smile on my face is Budoy, my crazy little brother, who is quite possibly the cutest and funniest little boy in the entire world.

Case in point:

He cracks me up everyday.

I do find it interesting living with a 6 year old boy because I babysit a 6 year old boy at home. It's neat to me to compare and contrast the two who are the exact same age, but growing up on opposite sides of the world. You'd be surprised the universal similarities that exist.

Yesterday we took a day trip visiting various project sites within Volunteer for the Visayans. One main area that we visited was the Dumpsite Project. Poor families send their children out into the dump collecting plastic and cans that can be turned in for money. One kilo of plastic only equals 7 pesos (roughly 16 cents, 42 pesos = $1). The Dumpsite Project allows for the sponsorship of these children to get them out of the dump and into schools. The families of these children often don't send their kids to school because they need them to search for plastic all day. It's unbelievably tragic. Some of these children are barefoot and the rest are just wearing flip flops digging through the dump. They are so susceptible to potentially life threatening diseases.

When we first arrived, during the drive up to the dump we were immediately hit with a wall of odor. No description could do justice to the experience of hitting that wall. It was intense. When we pulled up and got out of the jeepney, we saw the children in action. A dump truck would pull up and the children would all run to dig to get the plastic before the others. Witnessing this was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. My heart was so broken. I felt so humbled and helpless. I got back on the jeepney and tried with everything I had in myself not to cry. I am so thankful for everything I have in my life. Everyday I see more and more what I take for granted and how truly blessed I am in the life that I live.

I think this picture speaks more than a thousand words.

On a lighter note, VFV hired a private jeepney to drive us around for the day to visit the different placements. I don't think I've talked much about the jeepneys. They are the local form of transportation, and they are absolutely hilarious. They are giant metal jeeps leftover from WWII, and each jeepney is painted and decorated really ridiculously. They cram about as many people as possible into the jeepneys, and when they can't fit any more inside, people hang off the back or sit on the roof. It is completely unsafe, and would not be legal in the US. It's all part of the charm of the Philippines though. The way the jeepneys work is you stand anywhere on the road and flag them down like you would a taxi. They'll pick you up and then when you want to get off you yell, "para!" and they'll pull over to let you off. There are no designated stops like there are with buses in the US. I'm going to miss the convenience of the jeepneys when I go home. Anyway...they hired a private jeepney for our day trip, and somehow one of the volunteers, Richard (Australian guy with long red hair), talked the jeepney driver into letting him drive! I was so scared for my life! I did make it out alive though, fortunately! He drove the jeepney for about 15-20 minutes! Driving in the Philippines is not like driving in the US...the lanes are merely suggestions. People weave in and out and drive on the opposite side of the road all the time. It was scary having him drive, but it was rather hilarious because every time we passed someone he would honk the horn and wave. Nobody knew how to react to a white man with a long red ponytail driving a jeepney. It's just unheard of. It was hilarious seeing their faces when he drove by.

Tomorrow is one of my very closest friends, Melissa's, last day. One thing that is very difficult is that volunteers are continuously coming and going. With Semester at Sea, we were all in it together the whole way through. With this, we all are here for different lengths of time starting and ending at different times. In fact, most of the volunteers who were here when I first came have already left, and there are a lot of new volunteers. I'm going to be really sad when Melissa leaves. It's going to be so weird without her here.

Last night a large group of the volunteers went out to a club. I haven't really gone out at all the entire time I've been here, and I figured I would go out because it was Melissa's last night out. Well...I quickly realized why I haven't been going out. I was having a good time, and suddenly the wall hit me smack in the face; the wall that is the reality of the nightmare I am living in. This wall hits me from time to time and when it does I shut down. I can't bring myself to have a good time; I can't bring myself to enjoy myself. Naturally, I broke down and started crying. I felt so bad because the last thing I wanted to do was bring my friends down during a fun night out, but I am lucky to have such wonderful friends, especially Melissa and Ligaya, who kept telling me that my well being was more important to them than a night out. The two of them are always there for me when I need to cry (or laugh), and I appreciate it so much. I've been having a really hard time lately, Mom. The wall seems to be hitting me more and more often (probably because the reality of me going home to an empty house is getting closer and closer). I've caught myself withdrawing from social activities lately. I guess that's just what I need to do right now though. I'm trying to be as normal as I can, but there's only so much I can do. Melissa and Ligaya told me that the fact that I'm able to get out of bed every morning, get myself ready, and be strong for the women at the center every single day is amazing, and that they think I'm doing incredibly well. A lot of people keep telling me that. It's just hard though when I feel like I'm imploding on the inside. The truth is though that the only time I feel somewhat strong is when I'm at Regional Haven. I think the women are helping me more than I'm helping them. It really is a blessing.

 I'm trying to hang in there as best as I can, Mom. Keep watching over me. I need you more and more everyday. I love you so much. I'll post a bunch of pictures later today or tomorrow.

Recharging

Well, Mom, I decided not to go on the excursion this weekend. I ended up just breaking down Friday night, and I knew that I needed to spend some down time this weekend. I'm glad that I made that decision  instead of pushing myself to go on the excursion. I needed this weekend to recharge.

There was an all day blackout yesterday throughout Tacloban because they were doing maintenance on the power lines...so that meant no fans. It certainly was hot. I decided to go to Robinson's (the mall) to use the internet and try to keep cool. All of Tacloban had the same idea, and Robinson's was packed.

After spending several hours catching up on emails and doing some research, I headed home to do my laundry. I am never going to complain about doing laundry again. I spent over an hour washing my laundry by hand in the front yard. It's the little things we take for granted that I'm becoming more and more aware of. Ate Mary Ann helped me with my laundry, which was greatly appreciated. I do have to say though that I've lost any sense of modesty now that I've had somebody else wash my underwear by hand. It was rather embarrassing. Just as I was getting over it, Budoy, my six year old brother, started picking up my underwear and going, "Look at this! Hahahaha!" Oh geeze.

To thank Ate Mary Ann, I took her and the kids out for dinner. She loves spaghetti carbonara, but she doesn't get to eat it very much, so I thought that would be the perfect way to thank her. We went to Cafe Lucia for dinner, where I have been many nights, but I have never eaten their food. I was so pleasantly surprised at how delicious ("marasa" in Waray Waray) it was. I ordered Soy Ginger Milkfish ("Bangus"), which is the national fish of the Philippines, and my new favorite fish. I really hope I can find it at home because it is so good.

After dinner we took the kids to the carnival, and I told them that they could each pick one ride they wanted to go on. We had a lot of fun. It made me so happy to see the kids so happy, and I know Ate Mary Ann appreciated it as well. I really enjoy doing nice things for people when I can.

Today I have been hanging out at home with my family, playing UNO, looking at pictures, singing karaoke, etc. My friends get back from the excursion around 4pm, so I will probably do something with them tonight. It's been nice just having some time to myself this weekend. I definitely needed it.

I miss you, Mom. So, so much.

First Week at Regional Haven

Hi, Mama. I have finished my first week of work at Regional Haven. It is so wonderful, Mom. I feel so blessed to be working with these women at the shelter. I really, really love the work I'm doing. I feel like I'm actually making a difference in their lives, even if it's just from something as simple as providing them with a couple of hours of fun each day. I have done some crafts and games in addition to journaling everyday. Today we played bingo and I brought them cookies as prizes. I figured they would really like that because they don't get much outside food or treats while they're at the center. After we were done with bingo, I had them journal about if they had three wishes what would they be and why. I was very impressed with the responses I got. Almost all of them wrote about wanting to go home, get justice with their court cases, finish their studies, and help their families. For the most part their answers were focused around the needs of others instead of themselves. Nobody wrote anything about wanting money or any material objects. There was a lot of focus on family. I think that is a lesson we need to learn as Americans...the importance of family over anything else. I learn so much from these girls everyday. I am so grateful.

I'm having a rough time, Mom. It feels like some days are really hard to get through. I'm getting more and more scared about the reality of having to go home without you there. I'm in a really weird place right now. I'm having a hard time finding the interest or desire to go out with friends, have fun, etc. I miss you so much, Mom. It's so unfair. We have an excursion planned for this weekend...and it literally sounds like a dream come true...a trip to a private island and then visiting waterfalls. As amazing as that is, I have absolutely no interest in going. I really, really don't want to go. I don't even know why. I don't know what is holding me back. I haven't decided if I'm going to go or not yet.

I'm so upset, Mom. How can this be real? Why did you leave me? I need you here.

Immigration Office & Starting at the Women's Center

Hi, Mama! I had quite the adventure yesterday! In the morning I headed out to Regional Haven for my first day volunteering with the women. I had such a great time. I decided to keep things low key and our activity for the day consisted of name games and other games so that I could get to know the girls. We laughed and had fun, and quite a few of them have seemed to warm up to me right away. I know there are some that will take a little longer to feel comfortable with me.

After work, two other volunteers (Fred and Shimshon) and I decided to go to the Immigration Office to get our visas. We were allowed into the country for 21 days with no visa, but since we're here longer than that we had to get visas. What seemed like such a simple errand turned out to be quite the ridiculous adventure. We took a jeepney downtown and got off where the driver told us to. We walked down a road where we passed City Hall and several other buildings. We felt like we were walking for a while, so we asked a local where it was. They told us that Immigration was inside City Hall...where we had been earlier! We started walking the long way back to City Hall, when about halfway I looked up and saw a building that said, "Immigration!" It was a good thing I saw it, otherwise we would have walked all the way back to City Hall. We start walking toward the Immigration building, which was up on a hall. As we approached we realized that the hill was made of mud and trash. Literally...the entry way was trash mountain. It was ridiculous. We got inside and there were two ladies working the desk. They told us that we would have to make photocopies of our passports...but naturally, the Bureau of Immigration did not have a photocopier, thus we were sent off on a wild goose chase. Only, there was a problem: we had 20 minutes until the office was closing. We finally found a photocopier on some side street, where a woman was essentially selling photocopies at a small stand. It was very strange, but anything goes here. We go all the way back to the Immigration Office, and we made it back in time. While we are waiting for them to process  our paperwork, we get trapped into a conversation with a German pastor who has been living in the Philippines for 29 years. He starts telling us all about God and Jesus and how he accepts all religions, but the Jews are stupid basically (bear in mind, Shimshon is Israeli). The whole situation was just so absurd. The Bureau of Immigration was literally the least legitimate place I've ever been, but I survived and now I'm allowed to stay in the country, so I guess it's ok.

After securing our visas, we headed to Leyte Park for some dinner. I had a heart attack on a plate: deep fried shrimp wrapped in bacon and stuffed with cheese. Oh my gosh, it was so delicious. Of course, I coupled it with a mango shake because the restaurant in Leyte Park has the best mango shakes. The mangoes here are unreal. They're nothing like the ones we have at home. So amazing. Once we were done with dinner, the three of us headed over to get massages! We got a 1 hour, full body, Swedish massage for about $8. It was amazing. It was exactly what I needed too. It really helped me relieve some of the stress and tension I've been carrying the past two months. Once we were nice and relaxed, we met up with friends and headed to the Astrodome for drinks and pizza to celebrate one of the volunteer's last night. It was fun. We sang some karaoke, and What a Wonderful World came on. I started to get really sad about the fact that that was your wedding song and that the words say "what a wonderful world" and it was hard for me to call this world wonderful when you were taken away from me, but then I realized that's not what you would want. So, I turned myself around, put a smile on my face, sang the song for you, and came to the conclusion that even though you're not here anymore the world still is a wonderful place. Sometimes it's hard to see it, but I know it's true.

This morning I went with my first real activity for the women. I had everyone write letters/draw pictures for Andria, the previous volunteer whom they love and miss. They were all so excited. I am going to put all of the letters in a big envelope and mail them to her. I know she'll love it. After they were done with their letters, I had them do a journal entry. Andria started the journals with them, and now I am continuing them. I told the women that I did not read their journals because journals are very personal and I thought I'd let them get to know me before I read them. They seemed very appreciative. For their first entry with me I told them to write about themselves. I told them they could write whatever they wanted about themselves as a way for me to get to know them.

I realized that today is the 4th of July, so I am going to do a 4th of July celebration with them tomorrow (even if it is July 5th) and introduce them to an American holiday. I am excited. It should be fun.

Miss you, Mama. By the way...the girls all wanted to see a picture of my parents and they told me that you were "mahusay" which means beautiful. Love you, Mama.